10 Ways to Climb Out of Overwhelm

Often we get into a state of overwhelm where it just feels like you are failing at everything or that there is just so much going on and stressed that you cannot do it all. As moms we often live in it way more than we should because we just give of ourselves day in and day out and don't feel like we have time to even stop and think of how to get out. Well, I have ten ideas of what you can do to climb out of that overwhelm and stress. We often feel that because there is so much wrong we need to overhaul everything or work on all the fires at once. Don't feel like you have to do everything on this list either! Just pick one or two that stick out to you and do them. Don't just read the list and think they sound like good ideas (hopefully good and not bad) and not actually do something.

1. Pray

You may or may not be a religious person. (If not skip to #3.) This should be a given that you would turn to Him for help but we need not forget that He knows you and your situation and is just waiting to reach out and help. Elder Lawrence has a great talk about asking What lack I yet? and the Holy Ghost telling you one small thing to work on next. He said

"The Holy Ghost doesn’t tell us to improve everything at once. If He did, we would become discouraged and give up. The Spirit works with us at our own speed, one step at a time, or as the Lord has taught, “line upon line, precept upon precept, … and blessed are those who hearken unto my precepts, … for unto him that receiveth I will give more.”

This is a great talk! He has many examples of small things that came as an answer to prayers. As simple as clean your room, say thank you more, clean up your language, or don't interrupt people while they are talking. You don't have to overhaul everything. That leads to burnout and failure and discouragement, just like he said. But do something. One small step forward. One step in front of the other that leads to momentum and change. And they are more likely to stick for real lasting change which is what we want. To be a little better every day.

2. Remember that "All these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good."

We learn in the scriptures that even if TERRIBLE things happen to us that they are good because they give us experience. When we have this perspective we can stop asking "Why me?" or "Why now?" and change it to "What am I supposed to learn from this?" A fun way to feel better in the moment or try to see the good is to play the Glad game from Pollyanna. She is able to look at any situation and find SOMETHING to be glad about. My son has gotten really good at this and reminds me to be glad. Try it next time something is going wrong or look and see what you are learning in this hardship.

3. Ask for help! Or Delegate

Don't feel any less if you need help! Don't be afraid to ask for help! It can be someone to watch the kids while you sleep because we all know we are all lacking on sleep. To do the dishes, pick up the kids so you can finish a project. Maybe someone can teach you a skill that would help make life easier like meal planning or budgeting. Maybe just some advise for the kid who won't stop biting. Maybe you can delegate some tasks to the older kids or spouse. You don't HAVE to do it ALL because, I hate to break it to you, but you can't. And that is ok. And the sooner you realize it and are ok with it the better.
I have heard it said that if you are making mistakes then it shows that you are trying, which is a great thing!! But I think that if you are overwhelmed it means you are doing too much, which is not a good thing. So ask for help or delegate it to someone else.

4. Talk it out with a friend

Kind of dove tailing off the last one, sometimes it helps to just talk out loud. Hand and Hand Parenting use Listening Partnerships to help with parenting but I think this works with life in general! It helps to get it out. But don't just get into a circle by only complaining or feeling worse and worse. But listen for themes of something that connects problems and see if there is something that you could do that would help a few things with one or two changes. Maybe you can't think because you are so tired and the kids are fighting and things are crazy at the end of the day. Hmmm... maybe everyone needs to go to bed earlier.
Also, if your friend has some advise, listen!! It might not be exactly what you are looking for but having an outside perspective might help you to come up with some ideas as well. And who knows, the advise might be just what you need. When you are running on empty it is hard to think clearly and they are on the outside looking in and sees things differently and maybe more clearly.

5. List it out

I am a HUGE lover of lists and writing and all things pen and paper. Try taking a pen to paper and make a list of all the things. What is bringing you down, too hard for you, stressing you out? It might be daunting and overwhelming to think of them all (but don't ignore them or run away from them) but seeing them all you might be able to to group them together and see if something could help. Also, you might be able to group some things and turn them into projects. See if there are any that can wait and not worry about right now. Hopefully seeing things broken down into projects will help them seem more manageable. Either way, getting everything out of your brain helps to free up some bandwidth.
Another benefit to listing things out and seeing it all out on paper might be that you realize that you need to stop throwing water to put out the fire because you see that you are actually dealing with a flood. Be clear on what you are dealing with so that you know the next step to work on rather than just blindly going through your day.

6. Break it Down with 5 Whys

In the book The Bullet Journal Method, Ryder Carroll references a method of getting to the bottom of a problem. You start with the problem but then ask Why 5 times to get to the reason behind it all. In doing so you might be able to find that illusive solution that has you stumped. But actually write them down. There is something magical that happens when you put pen to paper. It can be formatted in list form 1-5 or you can just scribble and get your thoughts out on paper and see what you discover. You might also find out why you are doing something in that particular why and that might be what is holding you back and you can let things go or rewrite how you do, see, or feel about things.

1. I get frustrated that I can't get anything done. Why?
2. Because I spend all day cleaning! Why?
3. Because the kids won't pick up after themselves. Why?
4. Because there are too many toys and they don't know where they all go. Why?
5. There isn't a clear system the kids know and use.

So then you might choose to declutter and get rid of toys and set up bins with pictures on them. Then show the kids where things go and show them what cleaned and picked up looks like. It might seem like a lot of up front work but you might be getting hours back in your day.

7. Reflect

Take a few minutes to think back to a time when things were going well. The more recent the better because of course when you had less kids things were easier but we can't recreate that right now. What was going well and why? What can you do to recreate that? Were you going to bed earlier? In the middle of a really inspirational book? Journaling before bed? Less screens (for you or your kids)? Try something that you know helps you that you aren't doing now. Or stop something.

8. Systems and Routines

I cannot sing of this enough! Being able to put things on auto pilot helps with decision fatigue. I know many people put up a fight when it comes to this because they don't want to be held down by a schedule and I TOTALLY get that. I denied a job offer because I liked choosing when I work and when I spend time with my family. And kids might be great with something one day and flying off the handle the next day, or even the next minute. But hear me out!! Having a general idea of when you will focus on what or when you go where is a HUGE help! Knowing that I will work on a project in the afternoon lets me focus on the kids in the morning rather then getting distracted all day trying to squeeze it in all day but never being present with the kids or getting progress on the project.
Also, having an order to things like bedtime is so helpful for the kids as well. They will start doing what is next because they know what comes next and transitions are smoother and less fighting. Our bedtime Routine is at 7 pm we Clean up, PJs, brush teeth, scriptures and prayer, bedtime stories. Then they will get in bed and I will read from a chapter book until 8:30. So they know what comes next if I am working with another kid what they can be doing and also that the faster they go the more chapter book they will get because I am pretty firm on the cut off time.

9. Can you change it?

There is the idea of the circle of control. There are things in your control, like your actions, words, attitude, beliefs. And then there are things outside of your control, the weather, other's words or actions, etc. Ask yourself if what you are stressed about is in your control or not. Can you change it? Do you have any control over it? If not, then let it go or learn how you can deal with it to the best of your ability. Sometimes the only thing you can do is change how you respond to the situation. You can choose to be happy or miserable. That is something within your circle of control.

10. Put your blinders on!

You have got to stop comparing!! Do NOT get on Pinterest, Instagram, or Facebook when you are feeling down on yourself. I know you want to ignore everything and escape to the 'feel good' of social media but it will make you feel WORSE!! Instead, find a more useful escape like a good book or podcast, one that gets you motivated or inspired. Or try putting on some fun dance music and dance it out, or at least listen to some good comforting music.

BONUS! Express Gratitude

Whenever we find ourselves stressed and overwhelmed we tend to forget to look at all the things that are actually going right. Sometimes all it takes is stopping and counting our blessings. Maybe start a running list and name all the things you can or start a gratitude log and at the end of the day or first thing in the morning write 1-3 things you are grateful for and try not to repeat, get creative. But mostly use this as a way to feel for a moment that everything, in fact, is not falling apart. Remember all that you do have or can do enjoy it for a moment.


Now I am sure you noticed a theme of writing something down. It is powerful when you take the time to write something on paper. Your brain makes connections and firings that it doesn't normally. It helps you remember things better and it tells yourself that this thing is important and allows your brain to really think about something more likely to find a solution. Or gives it a break from the constant go go go. So though you might not think you have the time to sit and write, don't discount it.
Also, don't feel like you have to do all of these. Some might work better than others for different people. Maybe talking it out with a friend will help you more than writing it out or vice versa. Just pick one or two. But know that I am here for you! And if not me I know you have someone that is more than willing to help you.

Know that this is just a time and a season and this too shall pass.