Do you ever feel like you can never change? You either try to implement a new habit or behavior or to stop one. You feel like you have struggled for so long, years maybe and just don’t seem to be making any progress. You take steps forward just to take those same steps back. My example for my struggles recently that brought on these thoughts was no goal to not yell at my kids anymore. I feel like it doesn’t matter how hard I try and struggle and read about how to stop and what to do instead, my temper gets the better of me. I am sick of going to bed thinking of how terrible I treated the dear sweet spirits I love so much. I want so much for them and yet here I yell at them nearly every day. But I know that progress can be made. We are not set in stone. Even if you have a habit or trait that has been a problem for years you CAN change.
Here are some tips I have learned or picked up over the years that help. 1. Make tiny totally achievable goals. Make them so small they are what some would call ‘stupid easy’. But they still need to be in the right direction. Slowly they will add up over time. It is important to make them so small because the less resistance the easier your brain has at actually doing them. If you try to overhaul too much it is not sustainable. I know one person who started with flossing just ONE tooth. That is it! Then once that is down, move on to two teeth. Make is so easy and simple that it is almost silly. And laugh while you are at it. It is good for you. For my dear sis-in-law, she cannot get up in the mornings. For her I would say to just set the alarm for ONE minute earlier than what she is doing now.
2. Stack Habits. If it is a habit, tack it behind something you already do. This is a way to make sure it gets done. If you have to carve out time then you are less likely to do it. But if you are already doing something every day and you do your new habit right after then it is more likely to happen more regularly. A common thing we all do every day is eat. Three times a day for most of us! So look, three chances to try your new habit! I have heard of a push up every time he went to the bathroom. I used to do 10 squats while I washed and rinsed my face in the shower. (That is probably TMI BUT I got up to 100 squats during a shower so BOOM!) So find something you do on a regular basis that you can tack your new habit behind.
3. Set yourself up for success. If you KNOW you can’t resist chocolate, don’t have it in the house! That’s a no brainer. For my sis-in-law, maybe it is go to bed earlier or have something to help wake up like a glass of water next to the bed to drink, or have your spouse dump on your head! For me, if I hear the kids starting to fight I try to intercept and if I can remember I will play with them, or start a dance party or something to lighten the mood. Look at where you start to derail and see if you can catch it before or find a way to alleviate the symptoms.
4. Track your progress. Find a way to mark and see that you are in fact moving forward. Even if it is tiny it is progress. It is almost better that it go slower because it is more likely to stick. Some things may be harder to track because of their nature, like a behavior for example. Track each encounter, not just the overall day, unless that’s part of it. For me, it would be looking at each conflict with a child and looking how I handled it. Did I yell? Did I stop and breathe? Did I help them to fix the problem themselves? I was tracking just if I yelled at the end of the day and was getting discouraged. But if I look at each encounter I can tally up a bit better.
5. Debrief. Ask yourself at the end of the day, after the encounter, or whenever you think about it/can – What went well? What did I do RIGHT? And then think, what could I have done better? It is not enough or healthy to just beat yourself up thinking of only the bad that you did. Pat yourself on the back for ANY achievement you accomplished but then it is SUPER important to brainstorm what is preventing you from success and how can you overcome. If something isn’t working don’t keep trying it expecting change! Stop and think of what you could do to help you be better. Problem solve!
6. Ask for help!! There are MANY ways to do this. All the way from a friend or even someone you have never met in a Facebook group as an accountability partner to hiring professional help. Sometimes we don’t SEE our progress. Tracking helps this but we still might miss somethings. I recognized this once with a conflict with my children. I started to yell from across the room and got up and helped them walk through a problem. I got done and my husband who had watched the whole thing complemented me on how well I handled it. He said it was better than what he would have done. In the moment I didn’t feel like I handled it well but after he pointed it out and I could stop and think about it I was able to say, Hey, yeah!
a. Not only may we not see it but we are also too hard on ourselves and not completely honest with ourselves. Having outside help helps us to see more clearly or progress
7. Pray. Remember that it is not by your own merits that you make change or progress. Remember that any true change is done through Jesus Christ. Remember pray and ask for His help and Grace. He has been there and knows you better than you know yourself. He can either show you what is holding you back, what can help you step forward or even break the shackles that are binding you. Call on Him. He is the true Way to have lasting change and peace.
So what are you going to start working on? Comment below and tell me your struggles and which tip you are going to implement. Do you have any other tips? Has something helped you? Share it below!
Often we get into a state of overwhelm where it just feels like you are failing at everything or that there is just so much going on and stressed that you cannot do it all. As moms we often live in it way more than we should because we just give of ourselves day in and day out and don't feel like we have time to even stop and think of how to get out. Well, I have ten ideas of what you can do to climb out of that overwhelm and stress. We often feel that because there is so much wrong we need to overhaul everything or work on all the fires at once. Don't feel like you have to do everything on this list either! Just pick one or two that stick out to you and do them. Don't just read the list and think they sound like good ideas (hopefully good and not bad) and not actually do something.
1. Pray
You may or may not be a religious person. (If not skip to #3.) This should be a given that you would turn to Him for help but we need not forget that He knows you and your situation and is just waiting to reach out and help. Elder Lawrence has a great talk about asking What lack I yet? and the Holy Ghost telling you one small thing to work on next. He said
"The Holy Ghost doesn’t tell us to improve everything at once. If He did, we would become discouraged and give up. The Spirit works with us at our own speed, one step at a time, or as the Lord has taught, “line upon line, precept upon precept, … and blessed are those who hearken unto my precepts, … for unto him that receiveth I will give more.”
This is a great talk! He has many examples of small things that came as an answer to prayers. As simple as clean your room, say thank you more, clean up your language, or don't interrupt people while they are talking. You don't have to overhaul everything. That leads to burnout and failure and discouragement, just like he said. But do something. One small step forward. One step in front of the other that leads to momentum and change. And they are more likely to stick for real lasting change which is what we want. To be a little better every day.
We learn in the scriptures that even if TERRIBLE things happen to us that they are good because they give us experience. When we have this perspective we can stop asking "Why me?" or "Why now?" and change it to "What am I supposed to learn from this?" A fun way to feel better in the moment or try to see the good is to play the Glad game from Pollyanna. She is able to look at any situation and find SOMETHING to be glad about. My son has gotten really good at this and reminds me to be glad. Try it next time something is going wrong or look and see what you are learning in this hardship.
3. Ask for help! Or Delegate
Don't feel any less if you need help! Don't be afraid to ask for help! It can be someone to watch the kids while you sleep because we all know we are all lacking on sleep. To do the dishes, pick up the kids so you can finish a project. Maybe someone can teach you a skill that would help make life easier like meal planning or budgeting. Maybe just some advise for the kid who won't stop biting. Maybe you can delegate some tasks to the older kids or spouse. You don't HAVE to do it ALL because, I hate to break it to you, but you can't. And that is ok. And the sooner you realize it and are ok with it the better.
I have heard it said that if you are making mistakes then it shows that you are trying, which is a great thing!! But I think that if you are overwhelmed it means you are doing too much, which is not a good thing. So ask for help or delegate it to someone else.
4. Talk it out with a friend
Kind of dove tailing off the last one, sometimes it helps to just talk out loud. Hand and Hand Parenting use Listening Partnerships to help with parenting but I think this works with life in general! It helps to get it out. But don't just get into a circle by only complaining or feeling worse and worse. But listen for themes of something that connects problems and see if there is something that you could do that would help a few things with one or two changes. Maybe you can't think because you are so tired and the kids are fighting and things are crazy at the end of the day. Hmmm... maybe everyone needs to go to bed earlier.
Also, if your friend has some advise, listen!! It might not be exactly what you are looking for but having an outside perspective might help you to come up with some ideas as well. And who knows, the advise might be just what you need. When you are running on empty it is hard to think clearly and they are on the outside looking in and sees things differently and maybe more clearly.
5. List it out
I am a HUGE lover of lists and writing and all things pen and paper. Try taking a pen to paper and make a list of all the things. What is bringing you down, too hard for you, stressing you out? It might be daunting and overwhelming to think of them all (but don't ignore them or run away from them) but seeing them all you might be able to to group them together and see if something could help. Also, you might be able to group some things and turn them into projects. See if there are any that can wait and not worry about right now. Hopefully seeing things broken down into projects will help them seem more manageable. Either way, getting everything out of your brain helps to free up some bandwidth.
Another benefit to listing things out and seeing it all out on paper might be that you realize that you need to stop throwing water to put out the fire because you see that you are actually dealing with a flood. Be clear on what you are dealing with so that you know the next step to work on rather than just blindly going through your day.
6. Break it Down with 5 Whys
In the book The Bullet Journal Method, Ryder Carroll references a method of getting to the bottom of a problem. You start with the problem but then ask Why 5 times to get to the reason behind it all. In doing so you might be able to find that illusive solution that has you stumped. But actually write them down. There is something magical that happens when you put pen to paper. It can be formatted in list form 1-5 or you can just scribble and get your thoughts out on paper and see what you discover. You might also find out why you are doing something in that particular why and that might be what is holding you back and you can let things go or rewrite how you do, see, or feel about things.
I get frustrated that I can't get anything done. Why?
Because I spend all day cleaning! Why?
Because the kids won't pick up after themselves. Why?
Because there are too many toys and they don't know where they all go. Why?
There isn't a clear system the kids know and use.
So then you might choose to declutter and get rid of toys and set up bins with pictures on them. Then show the kids where things go and show them what cleaned and picked up looks like. It might seem like a lot of up front work but you might be getting hours back in your day.
7. Reflect
Take a few minutes to think back to a time when things were going well. The more recent the better because of course when you had less kids things were easier but we can't recreate that right now. What was going well and why? What can you do to recreate that? Were you going to bed earlier? In the middle of a really inspirational book? Journaling before bed? Less screens (for you or your kids)? Try something that you know helps you that you aren't doing now. Or stop something.
8. Systems and Routines
I cannot sing of this enough! Being able to put things on auto pilot helps with decision fatigue. I know many people put up a fight when it comes to this because they don't want to be held down by a schedule and I TOTALLY get that. I denied a job offer because I liked choosing when I work and when I spend time with my family. And kids might be great with something one day and flying off the handle the next day, or even the next minute. But hear me out!! Having a general idea of when you will focus on what or when you go where is a HUGE help! Knowing that I will work on a project in the afternoon lets me focus on the kids in the morning rather then getting distracted all day trying to squeeze it in all day but never being present with the kids or getting progress on the project.
Also, having an order to things like bedtime is so helpful for the kids as well. They will start doing what is next because they know what comes next and transitions are smoother and less fighting. Our bedtime Routine is at 7 pm we Clean up, PJs, brush teeth, scriptures and prayer, bedtime stories. Then they will get in bed and I will read from a chapter book until 8:30. So they know what comes next if I am working with another kid what they can be doing and also that the faster they go the more chapter book they will get because I am pretty firm on the cut off time.
9. Can you change it?
There is the idea of the circle of control. There are things in your control, like your actions, words, attitude, beliefs. And then there are things outside of your control, the weather, other's words or actions, etc. Ask yourself if what you are stressed about is in your control or not. Can you change it? Do you have any control over it? If not, then let it go or learn how you can deal with it to the best of your ability. Sometimes the only thing you can do is change how you respond to the situation. You can choose to be happy or miserable. That is something within your circle of control.
10. Put your blinders on!
You have got to stop comparing!! Do NOT get on Pinterest, Instagram, or Facebook when you are feeling down on yourself. I know you want to ignore everything and escape to the 'feel good' of social media but it will make you feel WORSE!! Instead, find a more useful escape like a good book or podcast, one that gets you motivated or inspired. Or try putting on some fun dance music and dance it out, or at least listen to some good comforting music.
BONUS! Express Gratitude
Whenever we find ourselves stressed and overwhelmed we tend to forget to look at all the things that are actually going right. Sometimes all it takes is stopping and counting our blessings. Maybe start a running list and name all the things you can or start a gratitude log and at the end of the day or first thing in the morning write 1-3 things you are grateful for and try not to repeat, get creative. But mostly use this as a way to feel for a moment that everything, in fact, is not falling apart. Remember all that you do have or can do enjoy it for a moment.
Now I am sure you noticed a theme of writing something down. It is powerful when you take the time to write something on paper. Your brain makes connections and firings that it doesn't normally. It helps you remember things better and it tells yourself that this thing is important and allows your brain to really think about something more likely to find a solution. Or gives it a break from the constant go go go. So though you might not think you have the time to sit and write, don't discount it.
Also, don't feel like you have to do all of these. Some might work better than others for different people. Maybe talking it out with a friend will help you more than writing it out or vice versa. Just pick one or two. But know that I am here for you! And if not me I know you have someone that is more than willing to help you.
Know that this is just a time and a season and this too shall pass.
We all know we should read more. It has been said that the average CEO reads 61 books a year, attends 6 conferences a year and makes an average of 300% more money a year!! Those statistics are hard to ignore! How many books do you read a year? 61? 30? 5? Any? On average, reports say average readers read about 5-10 books a year while super readers can be up around 80.
I am sure you want to read more. You like to read, or maybe you don’t; however, the more you read that will change. But there are so many demands on your life. You might have littles pulling on you to play, feed, change, or clean up after. You might work long, hard days and just want to veg when you get home. Maybe you have general hubbub going on in life that it isn’t even on your radar to read. Well, no matter your position in life, there are ways for you to add reading into your life.
Audiobooks!!! You knew this was coming right? I LOVE Audible! And I am sure you and everyone you know has an account already. Right! Right? If not, it is FREE to have an account. You can buy books right out to have forever or exchange if you decide you don’t like it. Or you can subscribe and get a varying number of credits to apply to ANY book a month. The normal plan is a credit a month but there is a secret plan that gets you one credit every other month so you can start small without forking out a lot of money.
There are also free books on Libravox with varying quality. Free is free so you get what you pay for but, free is free.
Also, your library has audio books. Of course there are the discs or playaways available but you can also probably use Overdrive, or whatever their app is to get it straight to your phone.
Wake up earlier. I know, sleep might be a hot commodity but it doesn’t have to be much earlier. Even 10 minutes a day can add up. If you are more of a morning person you can try waking up just a few minutes earlier to start the day of with fresh ideas or some self-care. I love when I can do a morning routine and get some reading in. It sets me in a good mood and I can be a better mom to my kids.
Go to bed later. This one is probably easier for some. Not for me, I usually fall asleep with the kids. For others though, instead of checking Facebook for that time and invest in yourself!
Tack it behind something. Habits are more likely to develop when they follow something you are already doing or even before. Can you arrive 10 minutes before picking up kids and read in the car? Maybe you could listen to a book while you get ready for the day.
Waiting. Doctor’s appointment, dentist appointment, waiting for the soccer game to start. We all have times when we are waiting for something and find ourselves scrolling Facebook while we wait. Use that valuable time! Fill those cracks with something to grow yourself!
Ditch Social Media/find trigger and change it, move icons, delete apps if necessary. Have you sensed a trend? Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram and all the other soul sucking social media apps gotta go! Instead of opening an app and comparing yourself or getting depressed, grow and be better by reading! If you have a book on your phone, great! Make the app you use easy to see and get to. Move the other apps away so you don’t see them or they are harder to get to like putting them into a folder on the farthest page.
Read multiple books at a time. I love this trick for so many reasons. I personally have books scattered all over my house so that depending where I am I have a book close at hand. There is a book on my couch so when I am nursing a baby and there is an open 2 minutes I can get in a page or two. There is one in my bedroom for before bed. I am considering a book in the kitchen.
The other reason to read multiple books at a time is that if you are not in the mood for one book then you might be as inclined to pick it up. But if you have 2 or 3 going at a time you are more likely to have something for any mood. I find having an easier or lighter read going with a deeper read is a good mix. Some say that a fiction and a non-fiction is a good idea as well.
Always have a book with you!!! I cannot stress this enough. Never leave the house without a book! It was kind of touched on in the last one but also bring a book with you when you go out of the house too! Every time I think I won’t have time to read a book on the errand I am running, I find myself wishing I had a book. If you have it on your phone then it is probably on you, just remember #6.
Join a book club or Facebook group. Even if you can’t keep up with the schedule or meet up, having some accountability might encourage you to pick up the book more. For me, being in a group where people are always posting what they are enjoying or getting out of the book motivates me to read more.
Track it. Once you start tracking your reading you become more aware and therefore read more. If you start a habit tracker then it reminds you to do your reading for the day or you might see that streak you don’t want to break. Another fun way to track your reading is to keep a notebook of what you have read and see all the books you read over the year.
Bonus!! Schedule it!! Decide a time and make it a reoccurring appointment with yourself. If you know you have a meeting coming up then you set up the day to accommodate to that meeting. You are important and should make time for yourself too.
Hopefully these were some new ideas of ways you can add more reading into your day. You know reading is important so make it happen!
Have you ever memorized a scripture? Maybe later you recalled it in a time of need or were able to share it with a friend to lift you both. Maybe you use it as a mantra. Does having something powerful memorized lift your mind and heart? Today I have a suggestion for you to share this power with your children. Scripture is great and I might do a post on some great scriptures to memorize but for this one I want to talk about the power and benefits of children memorizing poetry.
Why memorize poetry?
Fill their minds and hearts with what is good and beautiful. There is so much filthy, vulgarity, and light mindedness. We need to combat that with meaningful, heart softening, and sincere works.
Whenever they are 'bored' or have nothing much to do, they will at least have 'friends' to keep them company. They will have powerful thoughts to ponder. People do not THINK anymore. We are so bombarded with screens and the need to be entertained that we simply do not use our brains anymore. I do not want my children to become silent sheep led to the slaughter. I do not want them pacified. I want them to think for themselves and question the status quo.
There is the saying Garbage in, Garbage out. And a dear mentor of mine changed it to Good in, Good out. So what are we putting into our children? Memorizing poems puts in some of the best ideas, literary devices (such as alliteration, illusions, imagery, metaphors), and vocabulary. Memorizing poems creates a vast store of understanding and great ability to use English syntax. With these great works floating around in their heads what do you think will come out? Their writing and speech will be elevated. They will have a better grasp of the English language and be able to write with greater rhythm and beauty. Want them to write better? Memorize more poems. (And read great books. Good in good out still works there too)
I mentioned vocabulary. Why not just read books to gain a better vocabulary? Or write out definitions? So fun and effective right? The benefit to having poems memorized is that they will have those rich words stored and understood from pondering and discussing. They are more a part of them and not likely to be forgotten but eagerly used. Also, having an abundance of vocabulary allows them to better understand more difficult and complex literature in the great books they will read later. Because we are always reading and trying to get better, right!
Speaking of reading books. I greater grasp of language and a familiarity with pondering meaning and ideas, children will better understand and gain from the books they are currently reading. Maybe a passage will remind them of a poem. Or even just a literary device will cause a pause in reading to stop and ponder the meaning or idea and allow greater influence on the heart and person.
Thoughts before you get started
First off, consider the age of the child(ren) you are working with. Three and under I would stick to nursery rhymes or very short and clear poems. The nice thing about nursery rhythm is that most are set to a tune that helps in memorizing as well as makes them more appealing to young children. They are not intimidating. They also get your children used to memorizing, rhythm, and structure of a poem.
Ages 3-6, you could start with longer ones. Robert Louis Stevenson has some great ones that talk about animals or nature that help the children to see what they are talking about and aren't ones with lots of symbolism that might be confusing. Poems that tell stories are also good because they are easier to memorize too because they know what comes next in the story which helps them think about how it was said.
Ages 6-10 you can get into Shakespeare and more abstract or complex poems. I suggest though that if you or they are not used to memorizing poems, that the more complex the subject matter or vocabulary, the shorter the poem until you get more comfortable and familiar with the rhythm and what not. Also, if not used to poetry and memorizing, start with the familiar. There might be some push back if you start with some crazy obscure Shakespeare if they have never heard any poetry. But if it is a subject that they enjoy or an excerpt from a story they like, or if you can find it in picture book form then it become more friendly and enjoyable.
I will be posting later some of our favorite poems or other poems you might want to use for you poetry memorizing.
Ways to encourage poetry memorization is to let them see you memorizing too.
Let them hear you practice while you cook or clean.
Let them hear you share how excited you are that you finished memorizing a stanza.
Let them see you writing down some favorite poems in your notebook (or create a poetry notebook of just the best poems)
Then see if they want to create their own book of poems. Add drawings, pictures, stickers. Anything to get them comfortable and familiar with poetry.
Share your current memory work at lunch or dinner. Go around and share what everyone is working on.
Then when everyone is comfortable maybe make a special poetry tea time to recite and share thoughts that came to you.
Share how the poem means more to you now that you have pondered it and have it in your heart.
Share how you pulled on a poem you have previously memorized to get you through a tough time.
Share Share Share! The more they see you doing it the more normal and natural it is for them to do it.
The next month I upped it to two servings of vegetables a day. And then my dear sweet sister-in-law whom I adore introduced me to a podcast which talked about having EIGHT to NINE servings of vegetables a day!!! I thought, "WHAT?!?! How in the world?!?! I can barely do two, let alone NINE!!! I would be too full. That sounds expensive. I would be cooking all day. What do you eat? A salad for every meal?" And all the excuses started to roll in.
Do you eat a serving of vegetables everyday? No, potatoes (fries) don't count. Or do you mostly consist on grains and dairy and/or meat? That was me at the beginning of the year and I decided to start small and just have one serving of vegetables a day. Just ONE. It can't be that hard, right? I couldn't believe how difficult it actually was. I think it took me a month of consciously trying before I was able to manage it.
But guess what, you don't have to start at eight servings a day. Start where you are. I love that phrase. I have been using it a ton. Like, every time I go to write a blog post and think of how incompetent I am. I have to remind myself, Start where you are.
Thankfully there are some great reasons behind eating so many vegetables a day. One of my favorite is that for every serving of fruit or vegetables we eat, the risk of all-cause mortality goes down five percent! That is a good enough reason for me to pick the apple over the pretzels. Vegetables can also help reduce diabetes risk, cardiovascular disease, autoimmune disease, osteoporosis, cancer and obesity. There was even a study done that pretty much said the more fruit and vegetables you eat, the less risk of depression! It pretty much makes your life better in every way to eat more vegetables.
And don't feel like you are stuck eating a salad for every meal. Or eating a vegetable you don't like for the sake of being healthy. There is a huge variety of fruits and vegetables out there and half the fun is trying new ones or new ways of cooking to see what you like best. I personally LOVE Brussels sprouts, though my husband is not a big fan. On the flip side, he can eat green bell peppers raw and the flavor is just too strong for me. My mom thinks that boiled okra is disgusting so we roast them instead.
Try different flavors with your veggies. We love Mexican food but I recently found a Pakistani dish that uses seasonings I never would have thought to use and it is DELICIOUS!!
Fruit counts too!! We all know berries are great for you and are lower in sugar than other fruit so it is a win-win!
What makes a serving?
The World Health Organization defines a serving as 80 grams raw, or just shy of 3 ounces. This comes out to roughly 1 cup raw vegetables, 1/2 cup cooked vegetables, a medium fruit or 2 cups for leafy greens.
Some ways I have added veggies to my diet
I will cut up and saute an onion with either Brussels sprouts, spinach, or kale, with some eggs in the morning. This starts the day with about 3 servings of veggies!
Having cooked or raw veggies on hand to snack on like carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, green beans. I have made a deal with my kids that they can have a peanut butter and honey sandwich for lunch as long as they pick out two veggies to go with it.
Having some dip increases children’s likelihood of eating veggies too.
Having them already cooked makes them more accessible as well as more appealing, in my opinion. Plus it gives a chance to add some healthy fats, so slather on that grass-fed butter!
I add avocado to just about EVERYTHING!! And 1/3 of a medium avocado counts as a serving so it is an easy way to add a serving of vegetables. (Side note, my father’s heart doctor just told him to eat more avocado as it helps with circulation. Finally! Doctors are catching up to food being a healing medicine!)
I also add a handful of lettuce/spinach/spring mix to most savory foods as well. Even spaghetti. It isn’t really a ‘salad’ per se but just a way to eat greens while eating something else and not having just leaves in my mouth but still eating them.
I LOVE Stuffed Sweet potatoes. I will be doing a recipe on that soon because we have it so often and it is super tasty and pretty easy to make. You basically stuff a sweet potato like a regular baked potato but with a twist.
Obviously smoothies are a great way to sneak in veggies without feeling like you are eating them. A giant handful of spinach blends in without any flavor, in my opinion. I have heard that celery blends in well but that vegetable is nasty so I won’t be trying it but if you want I won’t stop you.
You can get adventurous and switch out foods too. Cauliflower has to be the most diverse and can be made into just about anything. Mashed potatoes, rice, mac and cheese, pizza crust, sauce bases, risotto, tots. I usually do zucchini noodles for our spaghetti. Spaghetti squash has been around longer and might be more acceptable to some. It makes a great base for a burrito bowl. Cabbage leaves can be used as cooked wraps. Get creative and try those recipes!
We all know that we need to eat more vegetables. I don't think we realize how much we need them but also how easy it is when we put in a little effort. Aim for at least five servings but upwards of eight or nine is best. But if you have to start at one and work up that is fine! Your body will thank you for your effort. And your future self and your family will too.
How many of us have made a goal like, I want to be a better mom? I want to be more playful? Or the infamous, I want to eat healthier? You want to become better in some way. We know what it means, or do we? How do we know if we met or goal? So often I will make a goal but there isn't really a way to make it Specific or Measurable. There are not tasks to check off or really even an ending point. And it isn't like there is a deadline to say when it is done because we are always trying to grow and become better. And we are not always on an upward growth pattern. Sometimes we slip or have a bad day, week, or month. So how can we make and achieve these vague but still very important goals? Habit trackers!!
What is a Habit Tracker?
Habit Trackers are simply a place to track a habit or action, usually over a month time frame. You make a list of actions you want to do and how often and then, either when they are completed or at a designated time, you mark that you completed (or didn’t do something if that is your goal).
Use habit trackers to achieve your quality goals
Provide Clarity
They help to see more clearly the bigger picture than when you are deep in the trenches. It is hard to see past the diapers, late nights, and tantrums to know if we are making progress. Tracking habits allows a more realistic view of how you are doing and where you can improve. Plus, I like visuals, lists, and checking things off.
Calculating at the end of the month and seeing a percentage can give even more clarity. Looking at the chart might look one way, but then looking at the numbers can show you exactly how you did and if you improved. This also helps to make a vague, non-quantifiable goal quantifiable.
Versatile
Trackers can come in many shapes and styles to fit your need. They can be as simple as a monthly calendar on your fridge and you cross out the days you accomplished your goal. Having it on your fridge helps you see it and reminds you. Or you can make a fancy page in your bullet journal with a list of all your habits. Something I ran into with ‘traditional’ trackers is that what I was tracking was more than just a yes or no. The nice thing about making your own, rather a monthly calendar, or a chart or whatever, is that you can add a number! Cups of water, miles walked ran or steps for the day, veggies eaten that day, or even on a scale of 0-10 on staying calm. If you forget to use it, there is always next month to try again. Maybe set a reminder on your phone. Find what works for you.
Motivating
Something interesting happens that once you start tracking habit. All of a sudden you are more aware of them and you tend to be better about doing them. Maybe it gets to the end of the day and you realize when you are checking off your habits that you haven’t brushed your teeth yet and can run off and do that real quick. Plus there has to be some endorphins that go off when you check a box. Then you begin to see progress over time and think, “Hey, I AM doing it!” and want to keep that going. Or you see that you have a streak going and you don’t want to break it.
Reminders
Sometimes we tend to just forget! We get to the end of the day and think, “Wait, now how many glasses of water did I drink?” or “Oops, I forgot to brush my teeth, again” or is that last one just me? It is good to just a have reminder of the little things in the day to keep slowly making progress.
Tips
If you have more than 5 things, make their own list away from your daily to do list. That way you have the tasks you would like to do on a regular basis without getting it mixed with the other tasks of the day making it look like a forever long list and becoming overwhelmed.
You can start with one or two when you start. But if you are like me you can make a laundry list of things you know you ‘should’ do every day. Try to resist the urge to do it all. Start small, or at least include things that you are doing well so that you start from a place of success and build from there. This isn’t to overwhelm you.
Don’t aim for 100% in all of your habits! You could say that you want to achieve 50% in one habit and 90% in another. Because we all know we can't do ALL the things all the time. Plus, you might be better at something then another and it would be exhausting to try to make 100 in everything. Plus, things happen. My husband often commandeers my days and nothing I planned for gets done. So, give yourself some grace and shoot for progress not perfection. And having those numbers can help you see better that progression. Say you did 30% this month and can shoot for 40% next month. Only hit 35%? Hey! That's still progress!! Great job.
Is there an action you can take or stop doing that you can track? Maybe you went all day without yelling. Or you played with your kids today. Think of one action you could challenge yourself with that will help you become more of what you are trying to be. Then for a month track that thing. Breaking down habits that we need in order to be the person we want to be and being mindful will help us get closer to our goal. You CAN do this!! You can get better and better. Slow progress is still progress. How would you like to improve? What simple task can you do to get you there and start tracking it.
Thanksgiving is coming, as I am sure you are all aware. I am choosing to ignore Halloween because it is probably my least favorite holiday. Go ahead and grab your torch and pitchfork. I know people get pretty amped up for Christmas as well but I feel like poor Thanksgiving kind of gets put on the back burner a little bit.
I am trying, a tiny bit, to be more intentional about holidays and traditions. We always say we need to be grateful all year and some people post everyday a gratitude post on social media, but other than that, and a huge gluttonous meal, Thanksgiving doesn't have a whole lot to do around it or ways to 'celebrate' it.
This year I am going to try incorporating gratitude with my children by creating a Gratitude Tree. We will have a tree set up on the wall and everyday each of us will write on a leaf what he or she is grateful for that day and put it up on the tree. That way we think everyday of something, as well as look at it throughout the day. I am pretty excited to see the tree grow day by day and to have a short time to slow down and just be grateful.
Then after Thanksgiving dinner we can go over what we wrote and then play in the leaves. Throw them up in the air, or make a pile and jump in them. Something to make it fun and enjoyable for the kids and not always so serious.
Other ideas for doing a tree is thumbprints onto a paper tree. Then write on the thumbprint-leaf what the person is grateful for. This makes for a smaller tree that you can keep and see their cute tiny thumbprints as they grow.
I have also seen pipe cleaner trees using buttons as leaves. This makes a great fine motor activity as well. Or if you are in an area that already has a lot of fallen leaves, you could make a nature outing of collecting leaves and using real leaves on your tree. I think this would make an adorable tree! What are you doing for Thanksgiving this year! I would love to hear how you celebrating in the comments below.
Whatever you decide to do for Thanksgiving this year, I hope it is filled with love, family, and gratitude. Remember how blessed you truly are, and share that joy and love with those around you.
Have you ever had a passion or love of something but got into such a slump that you couldn't do it anymore? Just me?
I am an avid reader. I love getting books. I love looking at and thinking about books. A phrase you may often hear from me is "BOOOOOKS BOOKS BOOKS BOOKS!!!" sung in a high pitched voice. Being near my very full bookshelf is my happy place. Mmmm... I feel joy just thinking about it.
Earlier this year however, morning sickness hit and all I wanted to do was just lie on the couch and moan and die. I figured I wasn't doing anything but lying there, what a perfect time to read or even just listen to an audiobook. But no; even that was too much for me. The thought killed me inside to not be involved in a book of some sort. Even a short podcast would be better than nothing. Oh no. I was too far gone.
For about three months I read nothing but the occasional kids book to my children. When I started to feel a bit better I was at a loss for how to start again. I wasn't in the mood for my usual heavy literature and self improvement because what good would it do me if I couldn't apply what I was learning? I was still too sick and it felt like it would be a waste.
I used to only read Young Adult fiction but I slowly worked up to my 'more mature' tastes now. And actually reading teen fiction seems like a waste of time now. I know some great people that can read it and get lessons and fulfillment from it, but it's not for me anymore. So, I unconsciously made a bare minimum. I still wanted to read but not just anything. I looked at what was still considered a classic, but easier and more entertaining, and read that.
Back to my funk. I still wanted to grow and be edified without feeling like I wasn't doing enough. So, I picked upA Little Princess by Frances Hogsden Burnett. It is on the Thomas Jefferson Education classics list and I had heard a bit about how great it was but nothing about the story itself. It had been quite some time since I had picked up a fiction book but I felt like I could at least manage this, since it was still considered a classic.
Oh how glad I am I made that first step and effort. A Little Princess is a DARLING story and it got me back into wanting to read again. I couldn't put it down! I think next I read one of the Penderwick books and then A Wrinkle in Time though neither really came close to the caliber of A Little Princess but I had my fire rekindled and was able to manage getting through them and enjoy them. Now that the pump has been primed I am ready to get back into my more meaty books and podcasts. But I also have a better respect for 'lighter' books, as well as respecting the season of life we are in.
Taking that first step is so important. I easily could have continued to think that 'Wo is me' and 'life it too hard so why try.' I am really great at coming up with excuses and blaming others (ask my husband and father-in-law). So to be able to take responsibility for my actions and education was, and is, so important. And not only did I need to get back into reading for me, but so that my children see that I value reading, and learning, and growing; even when it is hard.
Taking a small step, even if it isn't the ideal end that you can't reach yet, helps get you on the path to the ideal. No one can go from where they are to where they want to be in one step. Unless it literally is one step, but you get what I'm saying. It takes time, energy, practice, and often failing. Making mistakes is where we learn, but that is another blog post in itself. What I am saying here is that even if that first step to get you out of a funk doesn't look like what you want it to be, if it helps, then do it! Apply using your bare minimum to raise up, even just a tiny step. Today is not forever. You will get better only if you start and try.
Something else that is important to remember is that things change. Before a shift you might have had a rhythm or routine or at least had something figured out. But now that things are different, as life changes, remember that what worked before might not work now. For me, I was working through a Mentoring in the Classics curriculum and had some good motivation and order. But now I feel different and have different desires and you can't force yourself to learn something (that really sticks and changes you). I know I will come back to it eventually when the time is right. Maybe I will pick up the next classic and just try because I need that first step. But for now, life is different and changing and my habits and expectations need to as well.
So, if you have hit a slump or are maybe stuck in a rut, just find that next baby step to get out. Do it! It doesn't have to be perfect, or a lot. Don't be discouraged. Life happens, don't let it keep you down. You've got this!
I must say that my cooking is amazing! I will sit to eat dinner some nights and I can't help but exclaim out loud, "dang this is good!" I don't say this to boast or brag but to tell you I haven't always been this good. Shoot, I could barely make a box of mac and cheese in my teens. The extent of my cooking skill was microwaving a bowl of ramen noodles. In high school I leveled up to those boxes of hamburger helpers.
I was relatively okay with my lack of skills until I started to seriously date my now husband. I realized, 'oh snap, I might be a wife soon. I need to get my act together.' Neither of my parents ever really cooked nor taught me how. I had to learn it all on my own. But I never thought of that as an inhibitor; just that I needed to learn and only you can teach yourself, so I did.
Obviously I started simple. My first real meal was, I think, a broccoli and mushroom quiche or frittata. You know those egg pies. I was so proud of that quiche! With its chunks of Velveeta and all. I made it from beginning to end. Cooked the onions, mixed it up and baked it!
But I slowly practiced with simple recipes to build up skills of cutting, mixing, or cooking order, and even a bit of learning what flavors go well together. My mom got me a great cookbook that had simple recipes in it with great pictures to get me started. I had some flops and had to write notes in the book to remind me how to do it better. But it was so satisfying trying a recipe and it turning out pretty good.
I got better at seeing before trying a recipe if I would like it or not. Soon I was able to know if adding something or leaving something out was acceptable or even made it better. However, I never got the highly desirable skill of being able to open the fridge and put together odds and ends to make a meal. I attempted this very early in my marriage before very much skill in any area was developed. We had some leftovers of this which I mixed with some of that and baked it. Oh it was TERRIBLE!! Neither of us could eat any of it. Thankfully my husband has a good sense of humor and loves to bring it up every chance he can. I am terrified to try anything that's not a recipe or at least something I am very familiar with now.
But now I have been cooking and learning for over eight years. That means I am almost a master right? Halfway? But there are some things I learned along the way about learning a skill.
1.) Don't compare your beginning to someone else's end!!
Or your worst to another's best. I remember looking at Hunny's mother and thinking I could never be like that. But not only has she had years more experience, she is also different from me, and she learned the skills she needed for her and her family. Her situation was different from mine and I will need to learn different things than she did.
2.) There is not a right or wrong way to learn.
Part of my journey involved the embarrassing part of thinking margarine, tofu and low fat was healthy. I cringe to think of what we ate thinking it was good for us. And though I could say it was a wrong way of thinking it was part of my journey that helped me gain a better understanding elsewhere. Just like failure is a learning opportunity, embarrassing and 'wrong' practices can also be the beginning or way of learning something you couldn't have learned otherwise.
3.) You are never done learning, and if you think you are, find a way to use your skill to help and serve others.
It might seem like you are done learning or at least feel like you are satisfied with where you are in your journey, but there are always ways to improve. If you think otherwise, may I suggest you find a way to reach out and share your skill with others? Either to teach them or to serve them. Actually, find ways to use your skills for others all along the way, not just when you are done.
4.) Use what you've learned from one skill to apply to learning another.
I have pulled on my lessons of learning to cook a lot when starting a new skill. Usually, I tend to forget where I started and how long it took to get to where I am. Remembering all the failed attempts and do-overs helps keep in perspective what it takes to learn a new skill. But being able to remember and say, "I have done it before I can do it again" also helps.
5.) It is never a waste.
This is something that I worried about all the time. If food was thrown away because it was nasty then I wasted time and money. But my dear sweet husband points out that it is all just a learning experience. Don't worry if things don't turn out the way you had hoped. Take it as an opportunity to look at what went well and what you could do better. It is only a waste if you don't learn from it.
So I hope that as you are learning something new, you keep a good sense of humor and keep trying. Don't be discouraged and let go of perfect. Make mistakes and learn from them.
I have discovered the importance of finding a bare minimum. Finding and setting a certain standard that, at a minimum, if accomplished, is acceptable to you.
Recently we moved temporarily into a tiny 'apartment' that has no stove or oven, and a TINY fridge. If I want to cook I go into our friend's house on the same property and use their kitchen. I don't like to impose by using their stuff in their space. Also, they might not have what I need or I can't find it and that makes it even more uncomfortable to have to bug them by asking. It is quite inconvenient. I could stress and worry and complain about not eating as well as I would like or I could throw it all to the wind and say, "well I can't eat healthy so I will just eat whatever I want, it's only for a month and a half." Instead, I could set a minimum acceptable standard based on the circumstances I am in and do what I can with what I have.
Finding and having a bare minimum keeps me from feeling like I'm not doing enough while keeping on track for goals and ideals I have for myself. But I also discovered that this idea can be used in many other areas! For instance, I was talking with my sister-in-law about her desire to homeschool; often homeschool moms try to do too much and I know she has health issues that have her down and without energy most of the time. I suggested she find a bare minimum to decide that, if nothing else but that got done, she did homeschool that day.
Another area a bare minimum could be applied is cleaning. I pretty much never deep clean so I pretty much live in bare minimum all the time, but it helps when sick or overwhelmed or having a busy day to have a bare minimum to make sure the house doesn't fall apart. Maybe it is a load of dishes, start the laundry, and clear the table. Whatever works for you to feel like something got done and you are ok going to bed without feeling like you didn't do enough.
Who else always feels the need to be doing more exercise? While I am pregnant or post-partum it hits me hard. I need to be walking at LEAST 10,000 steps everyday as well as muscle strengthening and prenatal yoga. That baby will be healthy and I will push her out easy and recover excellently. But real life says that ain't gonna happen! So finding an ideal, realistic, and bare minimum helps keep me moving and not get discouraged.
When I go on vacation with my family it is important to me to decide beforehand what we will still keep up with so we don't throw everything to the wind. Whether it be how we eat, exercise, finances, a bad day, etc., we should all be aware of a bare minimum that we are not willing to cross.
We can each apply this in many parts of our lives, in relationships, when we are sick, to finances, and so much more. Just pick one area where you might be struggling and work on finding a bare minimum that you won't cross, that if you make that, it was a good day or accomplishment.
Of course it doesn't have to be set in stone. Reevaluate where you are in life. We are only in this apartment a month and a half. Newborns are not newborns forever. You won't be sick forever, hopefully.
On an almost daily basis I will write out three things that will make that day a win. Then I know if I got those bare minimums done I don't feel the day was wasted, frittered, or lost.
Having a bare minimum could be called survival mode but I feel like it is more than that. It is more like the next step out of survival mode. Slowly increasing your bare minimum as you see fit to help you make and have a better life. I hope you find it helpful and decide on an area that needs a bare minimum to you on track and maybe step up your game and lift your spirits.
There is only 3 months left in the year!! It is the last quarter!! I love goals! Making and planning them and making layouts to track them and filling them in and seeing boxes fill up. But I am not always the best at making them all happen. Most of us make goals at the beginning of the year but they fizzle and are forgotten. That's why I think I prefer to have an idea at the beginning of the year but not have many that will take a year to complete. I will talk more about that idea and process later. But for now let's look at these next 3 months.
There is a great idea that's been around to make a goal list for the last three months with the last number of the new year. So 18 before 2018 and this year is 19 before 2019. I'm interested to see if it will stick around many more years. Maybe it will start over with the ones place and do 1 big goal before 2021. 2 before 2022 and so on. But I have enjoyed doing it the past 2 or so years and am excited to do it this year.
What can you do in these next 3 months? What do you want to do? What is going on in your life right now? What changes do you want to see? 3 months is a lot of time to make some changes. Habits are made in 3 weeks. I say more like a month but you know you best. Take the first month to make the habit and then really solidify it so it doesn't have to take up goals on the new year.
Or if your not needing a habit but have some projects you want to make progress in then remember you have 3 whole months before the new year! Don't just let these months fly by because of the holidays. They do take time, thought and preparation but not 3 months of all encompassing attention. You still need to take care of yourself.
Or maybe use the holidays are part of your goals. Maybe you could make a certain number of gifts. Or try to keep within a budget. Try to visit/contact so many people. Maybe you want to do a certain amount of crafts with the kids or make decorations for the house.
But you also need to remember it is only 3 months. Don't try to plan to do a year's worth of goals. Keep them realistic so you feel like you accomplished things and not beating yourself up for not doing enough.
For me 19 seemed like a lot. Especially with only 3 months to do them in. Try breaking down your goals over a few of them. Instead of one being 'Make 5 gifts' spread it over 5 of your goals.
Another idea is using this list to really hone in on those goals you made at the beginning of the year or earlier this year. Reevaluate where you are and what you have accomplished and what you can do. For example, I had terrible morning sickness for 3 months where I didn't want to do ANYTHING and got way behind on my books I want to read goal for the year. Rather than trying to cram in 6 months of reading in 3, I am looking at where we are in life and what I realistically do. What are some of your goals that may have fallen aside that you can pick up anew and finish the year strong?
If 19 scares you too much or you aren't super into making goals (great job making to the end of this post), make is just 9 before 2019. Even easier or a smaller step could be picking 3 areas of life and making 3 goals for each. That's much more manageable, right?
Here is my list of 19 before 2019
1. Have 7 blog posts drafted. Not edited and ready, just a draft.
