Do you ever feel like you can never change? You either try to implement a new habit or behavior or to stop one. You feel like you have struggled for so long, years maybe and just don’t seem to be making any progress. You take steps forward just to take those same steps back. My example for my struggles recently that brought on these thoughts was no goal to not yell at my kids anymore. I feel like it doesn’t matter how hard I try and struggle and read about how to stop and what to do instead, my temper gets the better of me. I am sick of going to bed thinking of how terrible I treated the dear sweet spirits I love so much. I want so much for them and yet here I yell at them nearly every day. But I know that progress can be made. We are not set in stone. Even if you have a habit or trait that has been a problem for years you CAN change.
Here are some tips I have learned or picked up over the years that help.
1. Make tiny totally achievable goals. Make them so small they are what some would call ‘stupid easy’. But they still need to be in the right direction. Slowly they will add up over time. It is important to make them so small because the less resistance the easier your brain has at actually doing them. If you try to overhaul too much it is not sustainable. I know one person who started with flossing just ONE tooth. That is it! Then once that is down, move on to two teeth. Make is so easy and simple that it is almost silly. And laugh while you are at it. It is good for you. For my dear sis-in-law, she cannot get up in the mornings. For her I would say to just set the alarm for ONE minute earlier than what she is doing now.
2. Stack Habits. If it is a habit, tack it behind something you already do. This is a way to make sure it gets done. If you have to carve out time then you are less likely to do it. But if you are already doing something every day and you do your new habit right after then it is more likely to happen more regularly. A common thing we all do every day is eat. Three times a day for most of us! So look, three chances to try your new habit! I have heard of a push up every time he went to the bathroom. I used to do 10 squats while I washed and rinsed my face in the shower. (That is probably TMI BUT I got up to 100 squats during a shower so BOOM!) So find something you do on a regular basis that you can tack your new habit behind.
3. Set yourself up for success. If you KNOW you can’t resist chocolate, don’t have it in the house! That’s a no brainer. For my sis-in-law, maybe it is go to bed earlier or have something to help wake up like a glass of water next to the bed to drink, or have your spouse dump on your head! For me, if I hear the kids starting to fight I try to intercept and if I can remember I will play with them, or start a dance party or something to lighten the mood. Look at where you start to derail and see if you can catch it before or find a way to alleviate the symptoms.
4. Track your progress. Find a way to mark and see that you are in fact moving forward. Even if it is tiny it is progress. It is almost better that it go slower because it is more likely to stick. Some things may be harder to track because of their nature, like a behavior for example. Track each encounter, not just the overall day, unless that’s part of it. For me, it would be looking at each conflict with a child and looking how I handled it. Did I yell? Did I stop and breathe? Did I help them to fix the problem themselves? I was tracking just if I yelled at the end of the day and was getting discouraged. But if I look at each encounter I can tally up a bit better.
5. Debrief. Ask yourself at the end of the day, after the encounter, or whenever you think about it/can – What went well? What did I do RIGHT? And then think, what could I have done better? It is not enough or healthy to just beat yourself up thinking of only the bad that you did. Pat yourself on the back for ANY achievement you accomplished but then it is SUPER important to brainstorm what is preventing you from success and how can you overcome. If something isn’t working don’t keep trying it expecting change! Stop and think of what you could do to help you be better. Problem solve!
6. Ask for help!! There are MANY ways to do this. All the way from a friend or even someone you have never met in a Facebook group as an accountability partner to hiring professional help. Sometimes we don’t SEE our progress. Tracking helps this but we still might miss somethings. I recognized this once with a conflict with my children. I started to yell from across the room and got up and helped them walk through a problem. I got done and my husband who had watched the whole thing complemented me on how well I handled it. He said it was better than what he would have done. In the moment I didn’t feel like I handled it well but after he pointed it out and I could stop and think about it I was able to say, Hey, yeah!
a. Not only may we not see it but we are also too hard on ourselves and not completely honest with ourselves. Having outside help helps us to see more clearly or progress
7. Pray. Remember that it is not by your own merits that you make change or progress. Remember that any true change is done through Jesus Christ. Remember pray and ask for His help and Grace. He has been there and knows you better than you know yourself. He can either show you what is holding you back, what can help you step forward or even break the shackles that are binding you. Call on Him. He is the true Way to have lasting change and peace.
So what are you going to start working on? Comment below and tell me your struggles and which tip you are going to implement. Do you have any other tips? Has something helped you? Share it below!
